Worst Songs Ever: A Fair Warning Series: ICP - Miracles

By: Clay

Wow. Thank you for that. In case you missed some of these miracles, here are some select lyrical choices from two of the "World's Greatest Wordsmiths"(NOT).

Look at the mountains trees the seven seas, and everything chillin under water please, hot lava, snow, rain and fog, long neck giraffes, pet cats and dogs

Niagara falls and the pyramids, everything you believed in as kids, fuckin rainbows after it rains, there's enough miracles here to blow your brain

I've seen miracles all around me, stop and look around its all astounding, water, fire air and dirt, fucking magnets, how do they work? I don't want to talk to a scientist, ya'll MF lying and getting me pissed

Are you a believer in miracles? (Magic every in this bitch, it's all around you and you don't even know it.) Do you notice and recognize miracles? It's just there in the air, are you a believer in miracles? (Pure motherfucking magic, this shit will blow your MF mind.)

They did, however, miss one miracle. They are allowed to make music.

South Park Preview 5-4-11

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Rock!!! News!!!

By: Clay

TNT Keyboardist Dag Stokke Passes Away From Cancer.
Richie Sambora Takes Break From Bon Jovi To Enter Rehab.
Steven Tyler To Release New Solo Single May 9, Sample Online.
Sebastian Bach Completes 8 Final Mixes For New CD.
Vince Neil Finishes Las Vegas DUI Requirements.
Judas Priest guitarist K.K. Downing has formally retired from the band.
Def Leppard's Live 'Mirrorball' To Be Released June 7th, New Song Online.
KISS Begin Work On New Studio Album.
Slash Says 'Velvet Revolver's Return Is Years Away'.

Fair Warning's Top Video Series: The Darkness

Who Put On The Limp Bizkit?!?!

By: Clay

It was just one of those days for James Madden. You know, when you don't wanna wake up, everything is fucked, everybody sucks. And now we really know why Madden justified killing his flatmate, Emmanuel McPherson.

Madden and McPherson lived together in their Australian flat. A fight between the two intoxicated roommates broke out when McPherson asked Madden to turn off the Limp Bizkit album that was playing on his stereo. Apparently Madden wasn't in the mood for human contact and with the interaction from McPherson, his life was on contract. It would have been ok if McPherson decided to talk shit about Madden and his generation, just don't talk shit about the LB. The fight ended with McPherson being beaten to death.

McPherson's body was found stuffed into a shopping cart and left in a nearby creek. Madden is currently pleading not guilty but confessed to the crime to an undercover officer who was posing as an inmate. Which isn't really surprising if you consider Madden killed someone over listening to Limp Bizkit.

I guess McPherson wasn't really lovin' this shit right here.

Album Review: Bronson Arroyo's Covering The Bases

By: Clay

Have you ever noticed that people who take karaoke a little too seriously tend to choose their song choices based on their ability to mimic the original singer's voice? Does that make sense? Since they think they sound like, say for example, Eddie Vedder, they only do Pearl Jam songs? Or if they are alright at putting a little twang in their voice, they stick to country?

Well, that's what we get from Cincinnati Reds pitcher Bronson Arroyo on his 2005 album Covering The Bases. The album features covers of "Slide," "Everlong," and "Plush" among others. All the songs he chose feature Bronson on guitar and mimic the exact same voice and singing style as the original artist. So basically we have no idea what Bronson's actual voice sounds like. Come on. I'm really good at making loud, wet farts when I shit, but you don't see me doing a cover album of Mumford and Sons.

Covering The Bases only cost me a buck at Dollar Tree. Now, I'm not sure what it says about me shopping for CDs at Dollar Tree, but I damn sure know what it means to have your album being sold there right next to James Blunt and Drew's Famous Party Music. It means you suck.

To sum it up, this is baseball's version of Glee with the only exception being that Bronson's form of brain and ear cancer is treatable by not listing to it. Unfortunatly, Glee won't go away. Maybe if Bronson was singing in a wheelchair and had some mild form of retardation... on second thought, no.

Album Review: Foo Fighters' Wasting Light

By: Clay

A lot has been said about the Foos' new album being their best since 97's The Colour and the Shape. That's a lie. It's their best ever. Now, I could be like most reviewers and string together a bunch of rarely used adjectives and verbs to describe the intensity and top-notch songwriting for Wasting Light, but I won't. I don't have a dictionary at hand.

Wasting Light starts off with the track "Bridge Burning." It has that similar Foo sound. Basically what you would expect from Dave Grohl and company. "Rope" starts off a bit confusing if you are trying to distinguish all three guitar parts. Its intro is somewhat related to Led Zep's "Achillies Last Stand" or maybe the entire Presence album itself. "White Limo" is the hardest song to decipher Dave's lyrics, until the chorus anyway. However, it's easily the best song to crank up and roll the windows down to.

Every song on the album could be a single (also know as Nickleback-ing) and there isn't anything wrong with that. Wasting Light is one of the rare albums I can listen to from beginning to end without skipping tracks. What's great about that is it makes it easier to get lost in the music instead constantly waiting for one song to end so you can skip ahead a few to get to the next enjoyable one. I hate that. It's annoying. Thankfully, Wasting Light is a complete album in every way an album should be.

Yeah, some of the songs are interchangeable with each other. But I'm not looking for the Foo Fighters to try and reach for something by making an experimental record. They don't need to. They found their sound with their first album and have kept it since. That's why their music holds up over time.